Thursday, August 26, 2010

any good advice?

It's 11am. Breakfast was Ok. Attitudes were not so bad (not perfect but not bad). Juergen has taken the kids to town to check on the movie schedule. They want to see the film "Cats and Dogs". One good thing about films in Holland is they are almost always in the original language. The kids understand English.
Juergen and I were up until 1 am talking about the boy's. What to do with the awful boy's. I feel like attitude and respect is so important. If anyone has any good ideas on books or CD's we can read/listen to that would be super. I know they are in a difficult age. Early teenagers (Jr High school). I've seen the boy's in my Sunday school class transform from Monsters to fine young men in 4 to 5 years. I understand with my mind they will most likely out grow this awful stage. Sorry to be complain so much. When you are stuck in a small Dutch house, and it's raining outside you feel so trapped. Every action of my son's, every roll of the eye, every foul tone rubs you like sandpaper. When they are fully engaged in sports and not bored I do not feel this pain. But I care too much about character. I've done allot of great things in my life, but I will not consider my self a success if my sons grow up to be jerks! Don't worry, they do not read my blog! Just pray for them and for us. Pray for Thomas' school. We are thinking of moving him to a Christian school. Pray for their Jr. youth group. There aren't enough kids to continue the group (at least that's how it looks). We will be looking around for another group for them to join. Hopefully one with strong male leaders. Boys like Philip and Thomas need male leaders that can treat them like they are in boot camp. And we want them to join a group sport in the fall too. Team sports are very good for selfish boys. They end up working harder so they will not let the team down. I wish they thought of our family as a team...but they don't. They act like spoiled princes doing acts of terror until they get their own way. Believe it or not I love them! I just hate the behavior I'm getting. I feel like drawing a circle on the wall and making them stand there for a few hours. I know this is not an effective way to teach them. I only think this. I am kind, I am full of grace, and I am in need of advice. I am not at war with my boy’s. I am 100% on their side. I want them to grow up to be strong and respectable men. I want them to have the skills they need to be truly happy. Selfishness will not make them happy. It alienates them …


  1. Have you told them this-have you told them what kind of boys you want them to be, have you explained how their behavior effects you? They will care, at some point they will care. It is very hard,but it will be worth it. I wonder what would happen if you started acting like them? What would happen if you let them do whatever and your response was non caring when things didn't work out like they thought? I wonder what would happen if you reacted to their requests the way they react to yours...I wonder?

  2. I tell them all the time what I want and why. They only seem to care about them selves. Maybe they will care some day. Right now they are very self centered. They don't seem to see past them selves. It's rather sad. And I'm afraid acting like them would only lead them to greater self pity. I do not think it would help. But if they face other kids on , say a sports team that may help. If I say do not act this way they do not hear it. But if other kids say it, they care. For now they do not care what I think. We need strong influence from outside the family.

  3. I follow a blog of an amazing family. They have 5 adopted children and I do not know how the mom does it but I am in awe of the ways she handles the entire family. I can't remember the exact blog address but if you put a search for "Lajoy Family Blog" I bet you'll find it. She may have some pointers for you. I know it is hard to raise kids nowadays. Hang in there!!!
    Fran (Mimi to Zoe and Maya adopted from China and now in Fort Worth)